


Awake

by Subarukun



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Gen, Introspection, M/M, Sibling Incest, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-06
Updated: 2012-04-06
Packaged: 2017-11-03 05:21:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/377739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subarukun/pseuds/Subarukun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Al still stays awake and watches his brother sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Awake

**Author's Note:**

> Hints of incest (see pairing), written for the [](http://fma-slashfest.livejournal.com/profile)[**fma_slashfest**](http://fma-slashfest.livejournal.com/)

But then the more he thought about it, the more sleep felt like a dangerous form of oblivion. He knew he was making himself nervous by thinking about it too much. Of course, he didn’t want to worry his brother, but Ed had been changed by his own experiences, too. It had only been the two of them for so long that somehow even their unvoiced fears influenced the other.

“Tired, little brother?”

“Yeah.” He tried to stifle a yawn.

Ed hadn’t even looked up from the notes he was taking while reading through an ancient book about Amrestis. “Why don’t you lie down then? I’ll watch over you.”

Al laughed, because contrary to his own words, Ed was still not looking at him. “That’s my job, you know?” It was meant as a joke, but when he’d said it out loud it had taken on a deeper meaning.

Ed peeked over his shoulder to where Al was sitting and smiled. “If that’s how you want it. Fine with me.”

Al couldn’t help, but smile back.

He wasn’t afraid to fall asleep. Not exactly. It was just that he had come too close to losing himself to another kind of darkness and didn’t like to linger on the edge of something resembling _that_. Even now, back in his own body of flesh and blood, he didn’t want to think about what it would have done to his brother if he’d never gotten his body back.

\--

One year later he had lost all uneasiness. Sleep came easily. It was much better than the strange, perpetual awareness without feeling he’d had to endure back then. Life was so much better now and Al had for the first time in his life discovered that he occasionally enjoyed being lazy, sleeping the day away.

And still sometimes he stayed awake on purpose. It was familiar and nice to just sit on his side of the bed and watch Ed sleep, to memorize the curve of his neck and the way his face relaxed in sleep. It reminded him of all the nights that he been forced to watch over his brother. Like a knight standing guard.

Staying awake watching him now was strangely comforting. The memories of the sleepless nights came without fear today. Sometimes he even missed them. Back then he had been able to protect Edward all through the night, chasing bad dreams away when they came.

There hadn't been many bad dreams lately for either of them and Al was thankful for it.

But even after all this time Ed never truly let down his guard. Not even when it was only the two of them. Only in sleep did he relax and gave up control for once.

Al understood his brothers need for control. Giving up control made him feel vulnerable and lost, and Al never challenged him on that point. Because they both remembered too well what had happened when they had played with something that had been so far _beyond_ their ability to control.

Sometimes he caught himself thinking how nice his sleepless nights had been back then. But then he remembered what it truly was like to not be able to _feel_ any kind of touch. It was then that he reached out to touch Ed’s arm softly and traced an imaginary line down to his hand, marveling at the soft, smooth skin.

“Can’t sleep?” Ed whispered sleepily, one eye cracked open to stare at him.

“I could,” Al smiled and leaned forward to steal a kiss. “I just don’t want to. Not just now.”

Ed pulled him down and nuzzled against his throat. “Try for me.”

There was no sense in protesting. He always slept better pressed up against that warm body, able to _feel_.  
  



End file.
